Sorry if these offends anyone...they are meant to be taken as a joke and nothing more!!!!
Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter? Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.
How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."
I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name..."
One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" The other replies: "GREAT trade!"
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.
What is the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature!
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know - it's never happened.
What's the best way to force a man to do situps?
Put the remote between his toes.
How do men define a 50/50 relationship?
We cook/they eat we clean/they dirty we iron/they wrinkle!
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
8 comments:
You seem to have forgotten to post all the really funny ones...
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
So men can understand them.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Men are like commercials.
You can't believe a word they say.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How do men define insomnia?
Waking up every few days.
Why don't men cook at home?
No one's invented a steak that will fit in the toaster.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What is with the guy vs. girl jokes anyway????
Honestly I think the ones against guys are funnier AND I IS ONE!!!
Unless i find a really funny guy vs. gal joke i might post it. but other than that i don't think you will see any more on my blog ;)
Why not? Apparently they're the only posts people feel are worth commenting on...
;P
Btw, I was VERY disappointed when the "short" jokes turned out to NOT be jokes about midgets.
:(
you should keep puting guy vs' girl jokes.....becuz it's fun to reply...
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."
women have no sense of direction, i mean if it weren't for man were would we be right now. nowhere cause woman came from man
the only way to get a girl to do anything is to say that if they do it then you will let them read their book.
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