Saturday, October 31, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Cannibals
So the cannibal says to his wife, "Honey, you know that I love you more than anything else in the whole world, but you also know how much I hate your brother."
And she replies, "Well, fine, be that way -- just eat the noodles then!"
And she replies, "Well, fine, be that way -- just eat the noodles then!"
Monday, August 17, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Why Society Needs Hypocrisy
WARNING: This post doesn't contain any slapstick, puns, or punch lines.
For all the readers still reading, this monologue, by Rush Limbaugh, bares repeating. Enjoy!
RUSH: One more thing about Mark Sanford, before we go to the break and get back to your phone calls. I would posit something here. And there's a lot of people. I've gotten a lot of e-mail since the Sanford story broke: "See, Rush? This is why Republicans have to get rid of social issues. We just have to get rid of them, because this hypocrisy is going to kill us. People are people; human beings are human beings. They're going to have affairs. They're going to have abortions. They're going to do this. And in politics, we're going to lose people. People are going to have affairs. Democrats don't lose people when they're hypocrites because they aren't hypocrites, Rush, because they don't have standards and we do. So we've got to get rid of the social issues, Rush." I'm hearing this from a lot of people. It's something for you to think about. Just a little think piece here. How about the fact that society needs hypocrisy? (interruption)
I'll be happy to explain it, Snerdley. It's simple as pie. I shouldn't have to explain it, but I'll be glad to. I'm not saying hypocrisy is a virtue, but it is a necessary evil. Society needs it. "But, Rush! But, Rush! How can you say that? Isn't hypocrisy preaching moral values and not living up to them?" Yeah, that's exactly right! That's what, in this case, hypocrisy is. But hypocrisy does not deny moral values. If somebody can be immoral and not be a hypocrite, then what's happened to standards? You want a party run by a bunch of people who have no standards? You've got it. You've got it in the Democrat Party and you've had it for years -- and look where it has taken us! Hypocrisy does two things, both at the same time: Hypocrisy shows -- and you're not going to want to hear this.
You're not going to want to agree with me on this. I know you're not. But hypocrisy shows that there are moral values in a culture. Without moral values in a culture, it would not be possible for anybody to be a hypocrite. The fact that we are calling Sanford a hypocrite is the proof that there are still standards of dignity and morality that apply in our society. It also shows... This hypocrisy, it also shows that violating those moral values are wrong. We all think Sanford's an idiot, right? We all think he's stupid. We all think he's wrong. Especially when you read the statement his wife issued. His wife said, "I'm willing to take him back. I'm willing." She said, "I view my life. I've got one legacy in my life, and that's the character and dignity I instill in my children," and that's why what my husband has done is so hurtful and so harmful.
"All the work I've done helping to get him elected and helping him do his job means nothing to me if my kids don't turn out." Why does she care? Well, because morality and dignity matter. And without hypocrisy, we wouldn't know what morality and dignity are. But moral equivalency, on the other hand, that rationalizes away any morality. The Democrat Party exists on moral equivalence. The Democrat Party exists on the concept of defining deviancy down to where nothing is wrong and nobody can be criticized. And I think any healthy society needs moral values -- and, therefore, must preserve them. Hypocrisy is a lot more helpful in preserving morality than moral equivalence is.
I don't know about you, but I don't want to live in a culture with no morality, where anything goes and there is nothing wrong. Then you wouldn't have to worry about raising your kids. Just give birth and let them do what they want to do. It doesn't matter because there's nothing wrong. But you know there are. You know there are certain things -- and, by the way, since we're all human and we all stray and we all stray off the path, it doesn't mean morality is wrong and it doesn't disqualify somebody who strays from knowing what morality is. That's what the Democrats try to do. Any Republican who is a normal human failing, they try to disqualify from ever commenting on morality and dignity, and you do not have to live a perfect life in order to be able to comment on morality and dignity because it is impossible to live a perfect life.
We all have that little voice in our heads, our conscience. We all know when we're doing something wrong. We all know it. If we just listen to the voice in our heads more often than we do, then we'd do fewer things wrong. But we're human. It doesn't mean that we're disqualified from knowing right from wrong, just because we violate the tenets. So... Look, I'm not speaking in a strict political sense here. I'm not saying, "Let's scrub the social issues." I'm simply saying that, 'Give me a society any day where there is hypocrisy as opposed to a society with moral equivalence,' because then we've defined deviancy so far down that we've decided we can't do anything about that particular wrong so we're not even going to try to anymore. We will cease to exist as a functioning society.
RUSH: Here's Ben in Dayton, Ohio. Hi, Ben. Thank you for calling. You're up next on the Rush Limbaugh program. Hi.
CALLER: Hey Rush, college kid dittos from Dayton.
RUSH: Thank you, sir.
CALLER: I'm 21. I'm a student. I'm an engineering student, but theology is kind of one of my passions, and I just loved your analysis on the need for hypocrisy. And I just wanted to add -- I'm kind of borrowing from CS Lewis, but when two people bicker, both people kind of consent to an implied moral standard that the other person should like adhere to. So anyway, I just wanted to say that was a great analysis on your part.
RUSH: CS Lewis is exactly right. Did you understand what he said? When two people argue or bicker over moral standards, it proves they exist. It's all he was saying. There is a push to get rid of moral standards, moral equivalency, the left, the Democratic Party. All I was saying was that hypocrisy is far more useful to a society -- it may not be to a politician, but I'm talking about society, folks. Hypocrisy is far more useful and valuable to society than moral equivalence is. Moral equivalence destroys standards. Hypocrisy upholds them. I'm not suggesting everybody go out and be a hypocrite. Again, it's common sense, and common sense is not liberal or conservative. Well, most often not common sense is conservative. It very rarely is liberal. But common sense is common sense. Moral standards exist. And when you have a blatant case of hypocrisy, I don't care who it is -- JFK, Clinton, Ensign, John Edwards -- what does it show? It shows that we've still got standards. We ought to be going, whew.
www.rushlimbaugh.com
For all the readers still reading, this monologue, by Rush Limbaugh, bares repeating. Enjoy!
RUSH: One more thing about Mark Sanford, before we go to the break and get back to your phone calls. I would posit something here. And there's a lot of people. I've gotten a lot of e-mail since the Sanford story broke: "See, Rush? This is why Republicans have to get rid of social issues. We just have to get rid of them, because this hypocrisy is going to kill us. People are people; human beings are human beings. They're going to have affairs. They're going to have abortions. They're going to do this. And in politics, we're going to lose people. People are going to have affairs. Democrats don't lose people when they're hypocrites because they aren't hypocrites, Rush, because they don't have standards and we do. So we've got to get rid of the social issues, Rush." I'm hearing this from a lot of people. It's something for you to think about. Just a little think piece here. How about the fact that society needs hypocrisy? (interruption)
I'll be happy to explain it, Snerdley. It's simple as pie. I shouldn't have to explain it, but I'll be glad to. I'm not saying hypocrisy is a virtue, but it is a necessary evil. Society needs it. "But, Rush! But, Rush! How can you say that? Isn't hypocrisy preaching moral values and not living up to them?" Yeah, that's exactly right! That's what, in this case, hypocrisy is. But hypocrisy does not deny moral values. If somebody can be immoral and not be a hypocrite, then what's happened to standards? You want a party run by a bunch of people who have no standards? You've got it. You've got it in the Democrat Party and you've had it for years -- and look where it has taken us! Hypocrisy does two things, both at the same time: Hypocrisy shows -- and you're not going to want to hear this.
You're not going to want to agree with me on this. I know you're not. But hypocrisy shows that there are moral values in a culture. Without moral values in a culture, it would not be possible for anybody to be a hypocrite. The fact that we are calling Sanford a hypocrite is the proof that there are still standards of dignity and morality that apply in our society. It also shows... This hypocrisy, it also shows that violating those moral values are wrong. We all think Sanford's an idiot, right? We all think he's stupid. We all think he's wrong. Especially when you read the statement his wife issued. His wife said, "I'm willing to take him back. I'm willing." She said, "I view my life. I've got one legacy in my life, and that's the character and dignity I instill in my children," and that's why what my husband has done is so hurtful and so harmful.
"All the work I've done helping to get him elected and helping him do his job means nothing to me if my kids don't turn out." Why does she care? Well, because morality and dignity matter. And without hypocrisy, we wouldn't know what morality and dignity are. But moral equivalency, on the other hand, that rationalizes away any morality. The Democrat Party exists on moral equivalence. The Democrat Party exists on the concept of defining deviancy down to where nothing is wrong and nobody can be criticized. And I think any healthy society needs moral values -- and, therefore, must preserve them. Hypocrisy is a lot more helpful in preserving morality than moral equivalence is.
I don't know about you, but I don't want to live in a culture with no morality, where anything goes and there is nothing wrong. Then you wouldn't have to worry about raising your kids. Just give birth and let them do what they want to do. It doesn't matter because there's nothing wrong. But you know there are. You know there are certain things -- and, by the way, since we're all human and we all stray and we all stray off the path, it doesn't mean morality is wrong and it doesn't disqualify somebody who strays from knowing what morality is. That's what the Democrats try to do. Any Republican who is a normal human failing, they try to disqualify from ever commenting on morality and dignity, and you do not have to live a perfect life in order to be able to comment on morality and dignity because it is impossible to live a perfect life.
We all have that little voice in our heads, our conscience. We all know when we're doing something wrong. We all know it. If we just listen to the voice in our heads more often than we do, then we'd do fewer things wrong. But we're human. It doesn't mean that we're disqualified from knowing right from wrong, just because we violate the tenets. So... Look, I'm not speaking in a strict political sense here. I'm not saying, "Let's scrub the social issues." I'm simply saying that, 'Give me a society any day where there is hypocrisy as opposed to a society with moral equivalence,' because then we've defined deviancy so far down that we've decided we can't do anything about that particular wrong so we're not even going to try to anymore. We will cease to exist as a functioning society.
RUSH: Here's Ben in Dayton, Ohio. Hi, Ben. Thank you for calling. You're up next on the Rush Limbaugh program. Hi.
CALLER: Hey Rush, college kid dittos from Dayton.
RUSH: Thank you, sir.
CALLER: I'm 21. I'm a student. I'm an engineering student, but theology is kind of one of my passions, and I just loved your analysis on the need for hypocrisy. And I just wanted to add -- I'm kind of borrowing from CS Lewis, but when two people bicker, both people kind of consent to an implied moral standard that the other person should like adhere to. So anyway, I just wanted to say that was a great analysis on your part.
RUSH: CS Lewis is exactly right. Did you understand what he said? When two people argue or bicker over moral standards, it proves they exist. It's all he was saying. There is a push to get rid of moral standards, moral equivalency, the left, the Democratic Party. All I was saying was that hypocrisy is far more useful to a society -- it may not be to a politician, but I'm talking about society, folks. Hypocrisy is far more useful and valuable to society than moral equivalence is. Moral equivalence destroys standards. Hypocrisy upholds them. I'm not suggesting everybody go out and be a hypocrite. Again, it's common sense, and common sense is not liberal or conservative. Well, most often not common sense is conservative. It very rarely is liberal. But common sense is common sense. Moral standards exist. And when you have a blatant case of hypocrisy, I don't care who it is -- JFK, Clinton, Ensign, John Edwards -- what does it show? It shows that we've still got standards. We ought to be going, whew.
www.rushlimbaugh.com
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The Wonders of US Medicine
A French doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so advanced
that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have
him looking for work in six weeks.'
A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung
out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in
four weeks.
The Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that
we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in
another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'
An American doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are
way behind. We recently took a man with no brains out of Illinois,
put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work.'
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Time to Legalize Counterfeiting
By Harold Witkov:
Many Americans today believe certain illegal vices in our society should be decriminalized, taxed, and regulated. The most popular of these vices include marijuana smoking, prostitution, and all forms of gambling. The proponents for decriminalization believe that the new tax revenues produced would help support schools, healthcare, and the impoverished, ease the pain of taxpayers, and reduce the deficit. They also believe that transgressions such as these will take place no matter, but, if properly regulated, would be safer for society in general. It would be a win, win situation.
Unfortunately, when it comes to lowering taxes and helping the downtrodden, the best-laid government plans seem to fall short of expectations. However, there is one vice, one small illegal indiscretion, that, if decriminalized would solve all our problems. The United States needs to legalize the victimless crime known as counterfeiting.
Once legalized, counterfeiting would be for everyone. This could be accomplished by making Federal Reserve Note paper (complete with silk threads, watermarks, etc.) available to the public. With the correct paper, most computers with the right software would have no trouble replicating U.S. currency. If a household did not have a computer, special over- the-counter counterfeit kits could be made available, with instructions in both English and Spanish.
Once in place, universal counterfeiting would prove to be the ultimate stimulus package for the economy. Employees would always have enough money and never have to go on strike. Citizens would have no trouble paying their mortgages and never face foreclosure. Everyone would gladly pay his or her taxes and there would be no need to have an IRS.
Free market consumerism would return with a flourish. People would purchase whatever they wanted and stores would only have to worry about having enough merchandise on hand. Stores could charge the consumer whatever they wanted and the consumer could still afford. Every shopping day would be like the day after Thanksgiving and the day before Christmas.
Once legalized, counterfeiting would still have to be regulated. Parity and fairness would dictate that families earning over $250,000 would only be allowed to print $1, $2, $5 and $10 denominations. Families with combined incomes of less than $250,000 could print $20 and $50 bills. The unemployed could print $100 bills, and ACORN workers and UAW members would be entitled to counterfeit a new denomination, something even larger than the $100 bill (with President Obama on the front).
Universal counterfeiting could be the entitlement program that ends all other entitlement programs and sets us free. It is time to stand up and tell our legislators we want universal counterfeiting. If they protest, "You cannot just print money," then promptly respond in kind, "Why not, Mr. Congressman? Your doing it."
Friday, May 22, 2009
A Post Turtle...
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, who's hand was caught in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be our president. |
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.
The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.
The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, and he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just wonder what kind of moron put him up there to begin with'.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
A new language!
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a real sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a real sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
April 20
April 20: 1889 --Adolf Hitler is born
April 20: -- 1999-Columbine High School massacre: two idiots kill 13 people and injure 24 others before committing suicide at Columbine High School located in Jefferson County, Colorado
2007 -- Johnson Space Center Shooting: A man with a handgun barricades himself in NASA's Johnson Space Center in Houston, Texas before killing a male hostage and himself.
April 19
April 19: 1995-Oklahoma City bombing: The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, is bombed, killing 168.
April 18
April 18: 1983 a suicide bomber destroys the United States embassy in Beirut, Lebanon, killing 63 people.
April 18: 1880 an F4 tornado strikes Marshfield, Missouri, killing 99 people and injuring 100
April 17
April 17: In 1790 Benjamin Franklin Dies.
April 17: 1964 The Ford Motor Company unveils the Ford Mustang at the New York World's Fair.
April 16
April 16: In 2007 a gunman, Seung-Hui Cho, shoots 55 people and then committed suicide on the Virginia Tech campus.
I forgot grrrrr....
I was going to do the week of my birhday posts but I forgot. So through out today I'll catch up :D...I was born at the end of a very interesting week. And thats all I'm going to say!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
TEA Party!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Quandary Snowboard trip....
A Guard friend of Tyler's Invited Tyler, Malcolm, and I to hike up Quandary and board down it. The day before the hike Tyler's buddy calls in sick, and since we already rented snow shoes we decided to go by ourselves. Above is a picture right before we hit the trail at 0840. 
The trail head map thingy that tould us to stay on the path.
We somehow missed the actual trail and ended up hiking on this road about a mile until we realized our mistake. We turned around and found a trail that lead to the main trail so we didn't have to hike all the way back.
There was a good sized tree that fell down and I tried walking over it and then the snow caved in and I got stuck under it....that was fun getting out :P
Almost to treeline.
We stopped here to eat food. When we were eating the wind really started picking up so we decided to gear up for the way down. We're kinda regretting not summiting, but we were tired and if we did summit there is a saddle between the real summit and the false summit so we would've had to hike up a little ways before continuing down. 
It was a beautiful day! A little hot but still wonderful!
We started down at 1245.
The snow was really deep and heavy. We post holed (or sinking deep into the snow making it hard and funny to get out) quite often. 
We got down at 1450(2:50 for us civilians). Things we learned:
1. Pack light!
2. Leave early: around 5-6am would've been best because the snow would've been hard and we wouldn't have sunk as many times.
3. There's nothing like a sunny day hiking a 14'er...weather you summit or not!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Brain Food
A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.
"Tell me, Mr. Green, what makes you so smart?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Mr. Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. It's fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only $4 apiece," says Mr. Green.
The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.
"You haven't eaten enough yet," says Mr. Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.
"Hey, Mr. Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 a piece -- I just realized that I can buy the whole fish here for just $2. You're ripping me off!"
"There now, you see that?" says Mr. Green. "You've gotten smarter already."
"Tell me, Mr. Green, what makes you so smart?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Mr. Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. It's fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only $4 apiece," says Mr. Green.
The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.
"You haven't eaten enough yet," says Mr. Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.
"Hey, Mr. Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 a piece -- I just realized that I can buy the whole fish here for just $2. You're ripping me off!"
"There now, you see that?" says Mr. Green. "You've gotten smarter already."
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Psalm 2009-2012
FIRST BOOK OF DEMOCRAT
OBAMA IS A SHEPHERD,
I SHALL NOT WANT.
HE LEADETH ME BESIDE STILL FACTORIES.
HE RESTORETH MY FAITH IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.
HE GUIDETH ME IN THE PATH OF UNEMPLOYMENT.
YEA, THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE BREAD LINE,
I SHALL NOT GO HUNGRY.
OBAMA HAS ANOINTED MY INCOME WITH TAXES,
MY EXPENSES RUNNETH OVER MY INCOME,
SURELY, POVERTY AND HARD LIVING WILL FOLLOW ME ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE.
THE DEMOCRATS AND I WILL LIVE FOREVER
IN A RENTED HOME.
BUT I AM GLAD I AM AN AMERICAN,
I AM GLAD THAT I AM FREE.
BUT I WISH I WAS A DOG
AND OBAMA WAS A TREE.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Cars!
Which car is better Corvette or Mustang? It can be any year not just the new ones! Give your reason, just because it looks better is a valid reason!
There's a poll in the upper right corner but comments are always appreciated!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
Hamvas's trip...
It was cold....
then you ask "How cold was it?"
It was so cold they saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets!
then you ask "How cold was it?"
It was so cold they saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
The Toddler Miracle Diet!
Many are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that one doesn't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), or you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet), or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days, and go right back to stuffing their faces after it is all over. Is there nothing one can do. . . .?
. . . . The new Toddler Miracle Diet, used by millions of trim toddlers the world over!!!
DAY ONE
Breakfast - One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.
Lunch - Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).
Dinner - A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of stale beer.
Bedtime Snack - Toast piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor.
DAY TWO
Breakfast - Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.
Lunch - Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a cigarette (to be eaten, not smoked). One ice cube, if desired.
Afternoon Snack - Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug.
Dinner - A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour iced tea over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon.
DAY THREE
Breakfast - Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk: drink half, stuff pancakes in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your best chair.
Lunch - Three matches, peanutbutter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.
Dinner - Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some wine, coffee.
FINAL DAY
Breakfast - A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add a half-cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.
Lunch - Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.
Dinner - A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.
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