Friday, March 28, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
I know most of you wanted pics of the Orchestra but i don't feel like sorting through 139 odd pictures....ok so this is my G22 and I just put a TruGlo 30mm red dot and a sling on it...stay tuned for pictures of the Orchestra...
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Moments after Daniel was shot, Forest looks on innocently
"Those are going to be easy to find!"
"You mean the Easter bunny is dead?"
Isaac just after going off of a totally huge jump!!!!
The newly weds...David and Kristen
"Ryan, quit cheating and looking where I'm hiding the easter eggs and go eat some more..."
Some of them were bored enough to board...
Do ya feel lucky, PUNK?!?!?
The grape of terror!!!
Moments before the pretzel gets caught, chewed, and then swallowed...
Everyone was kung-fu fighting...
The chip is not far from being munched...
"Ha Ha...i got your sister and you ain't gettin her back no how"
Nothing says easter like a good game of golf...
Hope yalls had a wonderful Easter...I know I did!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Not that any of us have kids but this might be helpful if you do ;)
Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God had trouble with His kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam. The first thing He said to Adam was:
"Don't eat from the forbidden fruit in the middle of the garden".
"Forbidden fruit? Adam inquired.
"Yes, you may eat of all the fruit in the garden except from the tree in the middle of the garden."
We got forbidden fruit!
So then God created Eve
One of Adam's first conversations with Eve (not recorded in the Bible) follows:
"Hey, Eve...we got forbidden fruit!"
"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.
"Because I am your Father and I know it won't be good for you!" said God. A few minutes later God saw the telltale sign of apple cores on the ground.
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" the First Parent asked.
"I didn't do it," said Adam
"Not me," said Eve
"Then where did these apple cores come from?" asked God.
"We both did it," Adam admitted.
"Then why did you?"
"I dunno" Eve answered.
"She started it!" Adam said.
"DID NOT!! It was the snake's fault."
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed.
But there is reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give your children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God's first children were disobedient, what makes you think yours won't be?
Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two and keep away from children.
Monday, March 17, 2008
I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.
The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.
I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.
The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.
After about 20 minutes my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one! , stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.
I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.
I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.
The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.
That deer EXPLODED.
The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.
A deer -- no chance.
That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.
The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.
A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.
I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere.
At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.
Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute.
I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.
Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.
Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head -- almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD! and it hurts.
The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.
It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.
I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.
Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp.
I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a horse -- strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.
This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.
The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.
Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.
I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.
So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope so that they can be somewhat equal to the Prey.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
WARNING: These pictures do include human blood and a big goose egg...if they bother you please see a physiologist cause it's your fault you looked at them...
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Enjoy the video...more is sure to come.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
*All Purpose Excuse Form*
Here is an all purpose excuse form, designed to get you out of the trouble you've gotten yourself into. Where there's a multiple choice, pick the one that works best for your situation and just go with it. You'll be surprised how effective this form can be if you just let your instincts guide you!
c) love of my life,
d) Assistant Principal,
e) Local Police Chief,
Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your
d) espresso maker
e) left arm
was severely damaged by my
d) comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistic
e) woefully under appreciated
How could I have known that the
b) jet ski
c) large helium balloon
d) rodent driven sledge
I was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is true that I should not have pointed it in the direction of your
c) Cub Scout troop,
d) 1/16th sized replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete with light bulb in the torch,
e) priceless collection of antique knitting needles,
you must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent carnage that I caused is beyond my ability to
e) pay for,
and I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know that you are perfectly within your rights to
a) hate me,
b) sue me,
c) spank me,
d) take my firstborn,
e) gouge out my eyes with spoons and feed them to the fish in your koi pond,
but I ask you to remember all the good times we've had, joshing around at
d) the bowling alley
e) the municipal jail
and to remember that I am first and foremost your
d) lease co-signer
e) only possible match should you ever need a bone marrow transplant.
I think that counts for more than one prank, especially one that
a) was so stupid.
b) was so silly.
c) would have been funny if it worked.
d) you would have done, if you had thought of it first.
e) I'm going to use again on someone else.
Enter name here (or alias):