Thursday, February 18, 2010

Heaviest Element Newly Discovered

The Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California has announced the discovery of a new element, the heaviest element known to science.

The new element, Pelosium (PL), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Pelosium is inert, and has no charge and no magnetism. Nevertheless, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Pelosium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Pelosium has a normal half-life of 2 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a biennial reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

Pelosium mass will increase over time, since each reorganization will promote many morons to become isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.


Sarah said...

LOL... "These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons..."

Jowy said...

AACK!!! I accidentally commented on Buzz!

"Do the up quarks in it get removed by the down quarks?"

Tyler Weaver said...

eventually those peons become morans and the mass will just increase whenever the reorginization takes place... it doesn't get any better than this.

elizabeth said...

Why no more posts? I am humor deprived!
I am going to organize a protest rally and we'll throw rocks at your house!

Just joking. :-)

Ryan_Th3_K1d said...

lol...I completely forgot, I'll post something right now :)